best orgasm

What Is An Orgasm (& How to Have Your Best One Yet)

Oh, orgasms. That sweet peak of sexual arousal that so many people desire, but believe it or not, not everyone achieves.

You read that right. This might surprise you, or it might not. The fact of the matter is that many people go years and years without ever experiencing their best orgasm. Don’t believe me? A TikTok user by the name of Giuls shared her journey with orgasms – stating she didn’t experience her first one until the age of 28.

Some people don’t even realize they’ve never orgasmed and others don’t know how to have their best orgasm yet. And it’s more common than you think.

Not all orgasms are created equal. In fact, the best orgasms look different for people assigned female at birth* than for people assigned male at birth**.

In this blog, we’re breaking down how orgasms differ from person to person, describing what an orgasm actually feels like (so you can identify if/when you have one), how to have the best orgasms, and what to do if you’re unable to achieve your best orgasm.

Stick around – things are about to get interesting.


*For the purposes of this blog, we will refer to those assigned female at birth as females or women

**For the purposes of this blog, we will refer to those assigned male at birth as males or men.

Defining An Orgasm

The simplest definition of an orgasm is what happens when you reach the height of sexual arousal and there’s an increase in blood flow to your bits. Although that definition remains true for both men and women, there are some key differences in orgasms for both groups.

In women, the best orgasms can last 20 seconds or more; for men, they can last anywhere from 3 to 10 seconds. Despite the female orgasm lasting longer on average, women are actually less likely to achieve orgasm compared to their male counterparts.

Research has revealed that men achieve orgasm 95% of the time during sex, while women only achieve it 70% of the time.

How Orgasm Feels

This is an interesting thing to think about because orgasms feel different for different people, so it’s difficult to pinpoint one exact “feeling”.

Some people say orgasms feel like an explosive, throbbing sensation in your bits. Or like a huge relief of pressure down there.

Some men say orgasms feel like:

  • Finally popping a big zit
  • The moment right before you wake up from a nap
  • Being tickled when you have to pee
  • The moment you find a bathroom after holding your pee for an hour
  • Cracking your knuckles

On the other hand, women say orgasms feel like:

  • Everything and nothing at the same time
  • The shooting star emoji
  • A wonderful sneeze in your vagina
  • An out-of-body experience
  • Finally scratching that itch in the middle of your back

How To Achieve Your Best Orgasm

Now you might be wondering, “Dr. Laura, this all sounds wonderful – but I’ve never had an orgasm that feels anything like these people describe!”

Hey, that’s okay. This is a judgment-free zone and there’s no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about your orgasm journey. Conversations about sexual health and sexual functioning are still deemed taboo; but I believe sexual functioning is a vital part of health, much like your blood pressure and respiration rate.

Luckily, there are several ways you too can experience that toe-curling, back-arching, out-of-body experience aka your best orgasm yet!

I’ve shared all about pleasure mapping, masturbation (more on that here), the importance of incorporating sex products and toys, and more in this blog.

Your pelvic floor plays a crucial role in your ability to achieve your best orgasms. The pelvic floor is a group of 26 muscles that attach behind the pubic bone and run like a sling attaching to the tailbone and base of the spine. These muscles have to be able to contract and relax.

People who have really tight and inflexible pelvic floor muscles, which is not uncommon, have a more difficult time reaching orgasm. Because the muscles lack flexibility, the body can’t move through the involuntary contraction and relaxation that occurs during a full orgasm.

How Sexual Dissatisfaction Affects More Than Your Orgasms

Achieving your best orgasm yet is about more than just a feeling. If you struggle to orgasm and are not sure why, it can have some real impacts on your confidence and mental health.

Some people may start to feel like something is “wrong” with their body, as if something is broken that cannot be “fixed”.

Others may start to feel less confident in their sexual abilities – such as their ability to satisfy their partners.

These are all 100% valid feelings, and you shouldn’t feel alone in your journey. You’ll want to connect with your healthcare provider to determine whether or not you’re dealing with sexual dysfunction – which is a reality for approximately 1.2 billion men and 1.7 billion women.

Having your best orgasm yet is possible. If you are still struggling to have your best orgasm experience and would like to discuss your unique situation as it relates to your pelvic floor and sexual health, click here to book a FREE 20-minute discovery call with me!

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