Are you having your best orgasm? Orgasms are amazing! They are phenomenal, toe curling experiences everyone can and should enjoy frequently. Vulva owners in opposite sex relationships not only have to deal with wage gaps but also a pleasure gap. Yes, you heard me correctly. Let me hit you with some facts.
- For every orgasm a vulva owner has during heterosexual intercourse, their penis-owning partner has 3.
- 50% of vulva owners report faking an orgasm to make their male partner feel better.
- The clitoris wasn’t fully mapped by an MRI machine until 2005.
As a vulva owner, these facts are staggering but totally believable because clients report this to me on the daily. I’ve outlined 5 tips below to help vulva owners find their best orgasm. After all, practice makes perfect.
1. Pleasure Mapping
Get to know your private bits and more importantly, which areas are stimulated by attention. Use a mirror to look at your vulva. Explore the various parts that make up this amazing, gorgeous part of your body. Take some time to touch and explore each part. Next, close your eyes and picture each part as you touch it.
Use different degrees of pressure or motion to discover which parts are more or less sensitive. As you’re doing this, you’re creating a map in your brain that you can revisit during solo play or to communicate with a partner. Understanding your pleasure preferences is one of the most important steps to finding your best orgasm.
An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away! If daily orgasms aren’t for you, try to add an extra session or two to your weekly routine. Individuals who masturbate more often have better, stronger and more frequent orgasms with partners. The better you know your anatomy, the easier it is to achieve an orgasm with someone else.
3. Expand Your Definition of Sex
Sex is a glorious exploration of sensations that celebrates the fantastic feelings of our bodies. Often times individuals consider sex as only penile vaginal penetration and anything else is “extra”. Let’s kick this idea to the curb and expand our understanding of what sex can be. Touching, massaging, licking and engaging with all erogenous zones contribute to finding your best orgasm. Having a broader definition of what sex can include allows you to fully engage in the experiences. Sex does not have to be a pinnacle one-act move.
4. Add Products to the Mix
There is an entire industry dedicated to helping you find your best orgasm. Using sexual aids should not be shameful or taboo. Sex toys aren’t dirty or bad, they are simply tools that help to get a job done. Whether you incorporate a lubricant, vibrator, paddle or massage oil, you’re adding to the rich, fun, nuanced sensations to increase your pleasure. Check out a few of my favorite products below:
5. Recite an empowering mantra such as “I deserve Pleasure”
I love mantra work as it applies to sex and orgasms. Asking for what you need or want in bed is tied to your level of self worth and what you feel you deserve. I am here to tell you that you deserve pleasure, empowering sexual experiences and joy. Next time you reach for your favorite vibrator for some self-care solo time OR your partner gives you that “come hither” look, recite your power mantra in your head and know that not only are you deserving of that experience, you are deserving of your best orgasm.
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